The Bishounen Cafe
by Mayuna
Summary: Unbeknownst to any fangirl there is a safe haven for the bishy's they stalk.  Many different characters from a few different anime's plus appearances from two of my favorite authors on here.


Hesitantly the Elric brothers peered around the corner of the building they were currently hiding behind. Envy stood some feet away just as nervous as the two alchemists. His violet orbs darted from side to side as he held his breath straining his hearing for any sound that indicated they were being followed.

"I could never understand why you guys got so nervous around girls before…" Al whispered softly. Ed glanced at his younger brother momentarily.

"Let me tell you something Al; the smartest thing you ever did was getting in that suit of armor and the dumbest thing you ever did was climbing back out." Ed replied.

"I didn't have a choice brother you know that! Besides…" Al retorted his voice beginning to rise. Envy turned his head around sharply to face the brothers a finger was held to his lips.

"Sh." He hushed sharply. "Do you want them to hear you? Do you want us to be captured?" Envy hissed. Al brought a hand quickly to his mouth clamping it over in place as his eyes widened as he shook his head briskly. "Then shut the hell up!"

"Hey what's the hold up anyways?" Ed asked impatiently shifting his weight after a few minutes had passed.

"Waiting on the scout to return." Envy replied.

"Scout..? We've never needed a scout before…" Ed stated.

"I don't know if you've noticed or not pipsqueak but they are getting bolder when it comes to attacks. Yusuke Urameshi and Ryo were kidnapped yesterday by a few yaoi fangirls." Envy said his body shuddering involuntarily as he did so.

"Ryo…Ryo…the one who hangs out with Gawl?" Ed asked trying to place the name with a face. Envy nodded his head once. Alphonse's eyes grew wide as a wave of fear swept through out his body.

"Brother I don't want to be kidnapped by yaoi fangirls!" Ed laid a comforting hand against his little brothers shoulder.

"They won't because I won't let them." He soothed with a smirk to boot. Al responded with a small smile of his own and a slight nod. Envy rolled his eyes at the gushy scene taking place behind him.

"I can't imagine why they think you two are into each other…" He muttered in a mocking tone. A blur of black landed in front of him seeming to rematerialize before their eyes.

They guy stood shorter than Ed clad in black, from his spiky hair to the boots he wore. A katana's blade glistened as a white bandaged hand sheathed it.

"It's clear." He said looking the homunculis straight in the eyes with his own impenetrable crimson gaze.

"Are you sure Hiei?" Ed asked. Hiei's gaze flicked to him quickly.

"My jagan eye doesn't lie." Hiei replied.

"I never said it didn't. I was just asking are you sure?" Ed asked again. Hiei emitted a low growl from deep in his throat as his hand fell to the hilt of his katana once more.

"If you don't trust me then perhaps I should make you respect me alchemist." He hissed vehemently. Ed smirked at the challenge.

"I've taken on psycho alchemists and deranged homunculi." He ignored the glare from Envy. "A fire demon should be no different." Ed brought his hands up ready to clap them together to perform a transmutation. Al grabbed Ed's wrist before he could perform the action.

"Let's just go. If you fight it will only draw attention." Ed lowered his hands and Hiei's hand left his sword both knowing that Al spoke the truth.

"We should hurry. It won't stay this quiet for long." Envy said breaking the semi awkward silence that ensued. All three nodded going in separate directions to the same location.

"It's so dead in here." Hayate whispered as Kurama took a seat next to him.

"Yes well many have been taken as of late." He replied. The back door slammed shut as Son Goku walked in with Trunks Brief close behind him.

"Man, it's crazy out there! We barely made it here." Goku said as Trunks sat down running a shaky hand through his hair.

"They didn't follow you here did they?" Kurama asked his voice low. Trunks shook his head quickly.

"No…we lost them after they grabbed Goten." He replied his gaze going to Goku quickly as he sat down as well.

"I'm sorry about your kids Goku." Hayate said sympathetically.

"Yeah well it's been hard on everyone. We've all lost people we care about." He replied. All sitting at the table nodded as sighs were exchanged in mutual understanding. Gawl sat a few tables away his laying flat against it as he shook his head from side to side Koji by his side comforting him. Loud laughter emitted from across the room.

"I mean I'm all for having a lot of girlfriends but those fan girls are just down right rabid!" Roy Mustang proclaimed shaking his head from side to side. "If only they weren't so obsessive and posses so many stalker traits. I've seen a lot of them that I wouldn't mind getting with." Miroku, who sat across from him, nodded.

"I agree. I have encountered many very beautiful girls whom I would simply love to have carry my child however they are simply to rough." He said holding up the sleeve of his robe to reveal a piece torn off of it leaving a gaping hole in it's wake. Mustang laughed.

"Hey look at the bright side; one it will either be cherished forever or fetch a pretty price on Ebay, to be cherished forever by someone somewhere. Secondly at least you didn't get a chunk of your hair ripped out." He replied motioning over to Inuyasha who sat in a corner his tetsaiga drawn sitting protectively in his lap. The evidence of being assaulted was clearly noticeable as some of his hair was shorter than the rest.

"Inuyasha I don't understand why you insist on unsheathing your tetsaiga. You know that even if you could attack those girls it wouldn't work to fight against humans." Miroku chided to his friend with a sigh.

"Those things aren't human! They're the nastiest type of demon around!" Inuyasha shouted angrily jumping to his feet.

"I see you are acting the fool as usual little brother." Sesshomaru said blandly as he walked over to the small group.

"Hey haven't seen you around here for a while big guy, where you been?" Goku asked cheerfully. Sesshomaru glanced at him suppressing the shudder that he knew everyone already had seen.

"That's really no one's concern." He stated sitting down in the opposite corner as his younger brother. He pressed his back against the wall shutting his eyes. Glances were exchanged as a knowing silence suddenly filled the room, he had been captured.

It was a fairly common occurrence for the girls that stalked them to eventually end up capturing them against their free will but they always escaped to run and be captured another day. There had been talk in the past about them fighting back but was decided against seeing how what it all boiled down to was they were in fact just human females with no super human powers, that is if you don't count extreme obsessive compulsiveness to be a super human trait.

Naraku and Sanosuke stood by the back door leaning against the wall.

"So like I was saying…" Sano began. "I had like five girls jump on my back, at least four hanging off my arms pulling at the wrists. I seriously thought my damn arms were going to pop out of the sockets and if that wasn't enough they were two holding onto my legs. Just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse about six more of them comes running at me and tackles me down. I thought I was a goner but the beauty of fan girls is that they cooperate with each other until it comes time to divide the spoils. The larger the group of girls the better we are because then you have a better chance of escape." Naraku nodded in agreement.

"I'll admit I've been captured more than just a few times but that's only because I have never been fortunate enough to be stalked by the type that come after you. They are cold, calculated and work out a sharing plan." He said. Sano suppressed a laugh as a loud frantic knock came from the other side of the door. Both guards turned their full attention to it steadying the adrenaline that shot through them sending the message to run away fast.

"Open the damn door!" The voice shouted from the other side. Naraku and Sanosuke exchanged glances with each other.

"Yusuke..?" Sano asked cautiously. Naraku slid back the small steel piece that covered a small portion of the door at the top to glance outside. Sure enough Yusuke Urameshi stood rattled and worse for wear but alive with seemingly little trauma. His eyes quickly scanned the area as best he could feeling wary of letting the spirit detective in.

"Open the frickin' door, my patience is shot to shit!" Yusuke shouted again. Sanosuke pushed Naraku out of the way as Edward and Alphonse ran up behind him. Yusuke turned as the door was opened to face the alchemists.

"Hey guys what's good?" He asked.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Ed replied. "You alright..?" He asked. Yusuke shrugged sluggishly.

"As good as could be expected." He replied. He caught Al's gaze as he stared at him wide eyed. "What's up with you Al? Suddenly feeling yaoi tendencies or something?" Alphonse vigorously shook his head as they walked in.

"No, no I was just wondering where Ryo was. He got away too didn't he?" Al asked innocently. Yusuke and Edward exchanged glances with each other.

"Look Al, you've never been caught before so you wouldn't understand how it works." Sano said as they walked past him. Alphonse looked up at him curiously. Edward rushed his younger brother past him casting Sanosuke a deadly glare.

"Brother what did he mean?" Alphonse asked once they sat down at a table. Ed only shook his head.

"Don't worry about it Al really because you wont ever be caught." Was the reply to a dissatisfied Al.

"Brother if you don't tell me I'll just ask around." He stated. Edward stared at him tiredly his eye lids half open before he finally sighed.

"When two of us get caught what it comes down to is survival Al. Those girls are insane and when two of us get kidnapped it usually means really bad things will happen or at least they want to happen. So we go into this survival mode type thing and all you think about is your own escape..." Edward explained. Alphonse stared at him shock written across his face.

"But…we're all friends here so why would that change in that type of situation?" He questioned.

"Because that's just the way it is Al." Ed stated with a sad smirk playing across his lips.

The back door suddenly opened widely and before Sano or Naraku could react a wave of fan girls over took them running into the hide out in droves.

"Let no one escape!" An all to familiar voice shouted out that they all knew too well. Ayumi Elric was once again leading on of her crusades to grab as many bishy's possible.

At the sound of her voice Edward jumped up frightened turning to run only to be tackled by Ayumi.

"No! Not again! You won't take me again!" He screamed.

"Brother!" Alphonse shouted only to have his voice drowned out by the sound of chairs and tables being over turned and of course yelling as some were dragged away

"Hey Edward miss me?" Ayumi asked with a maniacal giggle. Moon maiden ran in a smirk breaking out across her face.

"The Elric's are mine!" She shouted sprinting towards Alphonse grabbing him before he could react. "Now all I need is Edward…"

Ayumi stood up with Edward already bound and gagged.

"No way he's mine." Ayumi declared all the same handing moon maiden some rope to tie Al with.

"You've gotten your fill of him enough times Ayumi. Let someone else grab him for a change!" She replied.

"Well I'm sure as hell not giving him to you! You'll make them do freak elricest things and that's just gross!" Ayumi shouted back getting defensive.

"There is no wrong way to love! It's beautiful!" Moon maiden shouted back. In the struggle Edward managed to drop to his stomach on the floor and begin inching away. Both girls noticed this before he got away and anyone else did before each lunging for him grabbing an ankle and pulling him back as he screamed.

"We'll work something out." Moon maiden said as she hugged Alphonse who only whimpered. Ayumi sighed and nodded.

"Yeah I guess…" She said as the two girls exited their prizes in hand.

"So I guess I have the two of you to thank for giving me directions to this place." I stated as I held the rope that bound Kurama tightly in my grasp. "While it was tempting to capture you guys too I'm pretty happy with who I've acquired."

Envy glanced at the small collection of bishy's I had managed to tie up and grab.

"Quite the collection you have there." He said motioning towards Trunks and Sesshomaru.

"Yeah well all I really wanted was Kurama but they were unconscious so figured grab them before someone else does. Man, it was crazy in there like Wal-mart during the Christmas rush." I replied.

"Now for you to uphold your little end of the deal Mayuna; you and all the rest of the damn fan girls stay away from us." Hiei snapped before flitting off to who knows where. I nodded and smirked at Envy who only eyed me cautiously.

"Pleasure doing business with you…" I stated grabbing my new 'friends' and walking home.


End file.
